Don't Wanna Hear You Got a Boyfriend
by Slaying Salty
Summary: Genji really needed to get friends who knew how to keep secrets. Instead, they go run off and tell the world how screwed Genji was, due to the fact that he is dating not one, but two women who's family and friends would love to kick his ass in ways he didn't know could be kicked if he hurt the two of them. Or, Tracer couldn't keep her mouth shut and Angela does an examination.


**I should be at school right now.** **Eh. Phargency. School can wait for... another two hours or so.**

~*~

Winston and Tracer were idiots. So were Hana and Lucio. Emily too. Especially Emily.

Yes, Genji was in a relationship. Yes, it was with two girls. Of _course_ it was Angela and Fareeha. No, it is _not_ a goddamn scandal!

But nooooo, they just had to share it amongst the team. They just had to brag about how much of a 'stud' Genji was; how his playboy ways were 'back and here to stay'. There was a literal betting pool on how big his... organ was.

Yes, it was intact. No, he will not explain.

Now, he had four very intimidating, very armed senior agents glaring down at him.

Genji was grateful for the mask. At least they couldn't see how close he was to shitting himself.

"So, Agent Shimada... care to tell us the details of your relations with Agents Amari and Ziegler." Ana Amari stated coolly before sipping from her jasmine tea, though her good eye betrayed a glimmer of something terrifying.

Genji swallowed the bile coming up his throat, though the noise that came out instead was more static. Thank the heavens above that his body was literally designed to mask any and all reactions he could make.

"Th-the three of us are very... close." The cyborg mentally slapped himself. ' _Close?!_ ' He might as well have signed his own death warrant.

Jack Morrison, now known as Soldier Seventy-six, hummed in thought, though it sounded more intimidating given the fact that he was wearing his visor and voice modulator. "How close exactly, Genji?" He asked, his voice dripping with fake sincerity, "We need to know the exact numerical measurement of your friendship with our two baby- I mean, the two agents."

Reinhardt groaned in his palm, while Torbjorn broke his facade and snickered, "Smooth, Morrison. _Real_ smooth."

Genji, had the situation been less dire, would have chuckled as well. He still had four experienced soldiers staring him down, all capable of sending his metal-plated ass flying through the heavens.

At least he'd finally be able to fly.

"Enough of this," Ana cut off immediately, "tell us now, Genji. Are. You. Dating. Them. Both?" She punctuated every word with a poke on his chest.

Genji sighed. At least he had a last will and testament lying around.

To Soba, he leaves his beloved Neon Genesis Evangelion collection, merchandise and all...

"Y-yes," he stuttered out, "I am in a relationship with both Fareha and Angela, but I have done nothing to wrong them in any way nor dishonor them; I love them both too much for that n-not that those twowouldneedanyformofprotection duetothembeingperfectlycapableoffendingforthemselvesand-" Genji immediately realized he had rambled the last part out and shut his mouth immediately.

 _'Goodbye, brother. Goodbye, Jesse and Master Zenyatta. You three were the closest I had to true friends, which is really sad to begin with. Paints a really sad portrait of my life up until now'_.

He would've included Lena and Winston, but they were the asses that got him into this mess. Especially Emily.

It's _always_ Emily...

A silence followed Genji's figurative train-wreck of an answer, with the only sound of the five of them breathing. Then Ana laughed. Followed by the other three.

Genji found himself laughing as well.

He was still laughing as Ana shot him with a tranquilizer dart.

He was pretty sure he was laughing when he was delivered to what seem to be the infirmary.

He was vaguely sure that he was laughing at the fact that he, someone made mostly of metal, was still affected by the dart.

He was very sure he laughed a little bit more before Reinhardt hit him with a love tap. Which was just him being knocked out by the larger man.

It was a love tap because it didn't kill Genji for the second time in his damn life.

~••~

"Was that really necessary, Jack?" A heavily German accented voice said.

"Of course," a gruff voice replied. "Ana's tranquilizer dart had affected him differently, so Reinhardt had to knock him out."

"And, again why did you shoot our boyfriend in the first place?" A second voice asked.

"My daughter, it was an accident!" Ana Amari smiled into her tea as she answered. "Young Genji wanted to spar, and things got a little more... how do the Americans say it?"

"Heated." Torbjorn replied, seemingly unconcerned with the whole ordeal and was tinkering with one of his turrets.

"Thank you Torbjorn. Things got a little heated in our little spar, so my training kicked in and I shot him with my dart." Fareeha's mother said, a pleasant smile plastered to her face, her voice filled with fake exasperation, as if they were talking about how Ana had to scold a misbehaving pet rather than shooting at a fellow agent.

"Exactly," Reinhardt butted in, "you must understand dear, instincts are a fickle thing. Back me up here Jack."

"Yup."

"See? Torbjorn agrees as well, right my miniscule friend?"

"I'll kill you in your sleep."

"Exactly."

Fareeha, dressed in her casual clothes of jeans and a Navy blue tank top, was massaging the bridge of her nose while Angela, dressed in her doctor's coat, was rubbing circles on her girlfriend's back, but not before shooting a withering glare at the four of them.

"You all are aware that we are fully capable of looking after ourselves right? And that our personal relationships are none of your concerns?" Fareeha said, frustrated at the senior agents.

Ana shrugged, "It may have come up in the conversation once or twice."

The two women turned on their heels and marched off to the infirmary, but not without the younger Amari shouting "Unbelievable!" as they strode off.

The four agents looked amongst themselves before Jack Morrison shrugged. "That went better as expected."

"Agreed."

"Sure, whatever."

Ana smiled at the series of replies. "I like him, that Shimada boy."

"Me too."

"Aye."

"He'll make an excellent Ziegler."

At that remark, Ana turned menacingly to the hammer - wielding giant of a man, the temperature seemingly dropping a few degrees.

"Are you sure? My daughter would obviously dominate those two, especially that Genji boy."

Reinhardt mockingly laughed, "My dear Angela would obviously be the top dog in their relationship. She's the only one who knows what they're doing!" He countered.

And as the four agents devolved into arguing about who would take who's last name, another peaceful day slowly ended in the Overeat check Headquarters.

~••~

The next day, all that was heard was the sound of a gorilla, a brit, a mech driver, and a musician's screams through the halls of the headquarters.

Emily woke up to a sight of her four friends being chased by one Pharah, fully equipped in her Helix suit and raining missiles down on the heads of her fellow agents.

"JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!!!"

Emily quickly bolted out of bed and made a beeline to help them when the door to her and Lena's room was suddenly shut, and darkness quickly consumed the room.

She felt a chill down her spine. Fear overtook her senses. Terror ran through her very soul. She slowly backed away, feeling for anything to defend herself, when she suddenly felt something soft on her back.

The sound of rubber slapping hard against flesh made the redhead yelp when something suddenly covered her mouth.

A hand.

"Are you ready for your appointment, Emily?"

Her shrill scream rang throughout the headquarters, haunting everyone in it.

~••~

"You didn't miss anything, hon." The statement was followed by a sweet peck on Genji's cheek by Fareeha, since Zenyatta had removed his helmet during his sleep the night before to keep him comfortable.

Angela entered the room, the sweetest smile on her beautiful features. "You just rest up, Genji. We'll take care of you."

Genji was flattered, obviously, but he was also completely fine. Reinhardt had obviously held back a lot of his strength, since all Genji had was a black eye. He had felt nothing.

The dart must have served as a painkiller too. A really potent one.

"I thank you both for this, honestly. I am fine, though." The cyborg gestured to his face, and smiled. "It is nothing more than a black eye. I don't even feel hurt or anything of the sort."

"Of course not!" Fareeha said, lovingly stroking his cheek while offering him a cup of tea. "But you still took a big hit. Allow us to... care for you."

Angela nodded enthusiastically, blowing softly on the soup she was offering to Genji. "You're our precious little Genji. Of course it would be our pleasure to take good care of you."

Genji nervously laughed at their proclamations. He loved them, truly. However, they tended to become... overbearing when it came to his wellbeing.

"Now, just rest up and eat. You missed a full meal last night, dear."

Genji sighed and surrendered. There was nothing that could be done when they were like this.

He nodded and allowed himself to be fed and pampered. He had to admit, this was pretty nice.

Maybe he should get knocked out more often.

~*~

 **You guys should totally comment who wears the belt in this throuple. Sure, Genji most likely will be the voice of reason and harmony, but he's also pretty well-known for shrugging off the responsibility of leadership - with good reasons of course.**

 **Eh. Just tell me if it's Mercy or Pharah.**


End file.
